A year ago, almost to the day, I decided to maybe, quite possibly, open myself up a liiiiittle bit to the idea of being a missionary after graduation.
I imagine that the heavens started a riot and flipped their tables made of clouds and had a party for 3 days straight. I imagine that the Holy Spirit breathed a huge sigh of relief because His work was gonna be a LOT easier from now on. I imagine that Jesus started laughing because He knew this was coming all along, and then He high-fived Mary who had been tirelessly interceding for me for so long. And I imagine that St. John Paul II and Mother Teresa were like, "ALRIGHT LET'S KICK THOSE PRAYERS INTO HIGH GEAR." Because they knew I'd be asking for their intercession a lot during the next 12 months.
Side note: man, Heaven is gonna be awesome...
Anyways. I'm not sure exactly what prompted me to suddenly be open to an idea I had literally shut out a year prior. There was no shining spotlight that came from the heavens when I went on the SPO homepage. The voice of God that probably sounds a lot like Morgan Freeman didn't suddenly speak to me in a loud, roaring voice (I wish). I didn't randomly open my Bible to the perfect verse. (I did, however, open one of my Mother Teresa books to a chapter about being a missionary. That was kinda weird.)
I think that what happened was that I finally got tired of holding onto the plans that I made for my life so tightly. I finally let go of what was weighing me down, simply because it got too heavy. I finally learned how to surrender. See, I realized through looking back on the major times of desolation in my life that the Lord has not once gone back on the promises He has made to me. So why would this be the time that He decides to start breaking His promises? I took to heart the lyrics from "Oceans" by Hillsong: "Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You've never failed and You won't start now." I threw my hands up in surrender and accepted that the Lord knows me better.
The biggest thing that I've learned from this discernment process is that all the Lord really needs is for us to cooperate with His grace. Once I realized that all I had to do was get out of the way and let Jesus do the work that He wanted to do in my heart, life got a little easier. Key word: a little. I'm still prone to stressing out at times and I still struggle with the unknown, but I know that the Lord knows way more about what's coming than I do; and because of that, I can rest easy.
Jesus is a gentleman. He stands at the door of our hearts and knocks. All we have to do is open the door, just a small opening, enough to let a little bit of light in, and He will literally do all the rest.
I have no idea what is in store for me now that I've officially signed on for my first year of mission work with Saint Paul's Outreach. But I can't wait.
And so the wonderful adventure continues.
My name is Rebecca. This blog is a documentation of my life as a missionary with Saint Paul's Outreach - in Minnesota, Florida, and everywhere in-between. Thanks for stopping by!